


Is this the End?

by Angryniall



Category: One Direction (Band), niall horan - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 01:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16107998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angryniall/pseuds/Angryniall
Summary: Divorce is mentioned and Niall stays up all night with his wife to try to work out what went wrong.





	Is this the End?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aurora1d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurora1d/gifts).



It’s only when I hear Niall’s breathing slow that I can utter the words I’ve been thinking about for a few months now. “I want a divorce.”

I feel Niall stiffen behind my back and realize, too late, that he’s still awake. This isn’t how I planned for this to go. “W-what?” I hear him ask, his voice breaking a bit. I don’t want to turn to face him, but he puts his hand softly on my shoulder, “babe, come on. I know we’ve got some issues, but divorce?”

I sigh and sit up, turning to face him as I sigh, “this isn’t the life I imagined, Ni… having to basically be a single mother while you’re touring, seeing you for a few days here and there when you come home.”

I look up and meet his eyes for the first time and it’s hard to read his exact look. He almost seems betrayed, hurt, and even a little angry. “You knew my life was like this when you agreed to marry me. Never had an issue with my touring before.”

I involuntarily roll my eyes, “yeah, Niall. But that was before we had a baby.”

“Wasn’t me who forgot to take my birth control.” He snaps at me and I can’t speak for a minute. I’ve seen Niall angry before, sure. But he’s never snapped quite like this. “I told you I forgot to pick some up but you didn’t want to wait to fuck, did you?!” I say, jumping up from the bed, realizing this is about to become an actual fight. “You were like oh it’s ok babe we can take the chance just because you wanted to get your fucking cock wet! But it’s all my fault that we had a fucking kid, sure.”

He rolls his eyes, “whatever, you still knew I had an album coming out and was about to tour. I can’t just drop my entire career because of our kid!”

Almost as if on cue, I hear Noah’s screams from the other room. I take a deep breath and head in to check on him. He just needs a feeding. I usually hate waking up in the night for him, but I find myself appreciating the time away from the fight in the bedroom.

I give Noah his bottle and rock him as I think about my life with Niall. Maybe in some sense, he’s right. We’d been dating three years when he proposed, through two album cycles and just as many tours. I’d dealt with him being away more than he was here. Hell, our “moving in together” was basically me moving from my apartment into his house he occasionally stayed at. Our relationship was always dependent on weekend trips and the few months he was at home from tour when he was always writing. Maybe it was always this lonely, except I didn’t have a kid who made me realize how bad it really was.

I think it also helped that when we were dating, Niall was extra sweet. He’d get flowers delivered to me and would send me videos of the venues he played in and I got a postcard from him almost everyday from a new city he was in, usually with some cute little “wish you were here” message scribbled on the back. Once we were married, that slowly stopped. Suddenly I was lucky if I got a text each day as he was usually busy and just seemed to stop prioritizing me and our relationship.

Maybe I deluded myself into thinking Noah would change things. The age old story of a bandaid baby, who I thought would make Niall want to stay around longer, do shorter tours, or maybe wait a little before releasing new music. Niall was excited for Noah, sure. He bought him every baby thing he could find, had a huge nursery for him almost as soon as you told him you were expecting. He’d ask for baby bump pictures when he was away and pepper my stomach with kisses when he was here. He even left a concert mid-tune when you went into labor so he could be there for his birth. But once Noah was here, Niall went back to his life, dropping in once in a while to see his son and FaceTiming not often enough where he usually ignored the ever growing circles under your eyes to coo over Noah before giving a quick send off as he ran on stage. You realized you were feeling ignored in the relationship and just wanted something more than he was giving you.

Noah finishes off two ounces and you’re working on burping him when Niall walks into the room. He hands you a mug, “made you some coffee… three creams, two sugars just like you like.”

I smile, happy for the small peace offering. “Thanks, Ni… I appreciate it.” I finish up with Noah and lay him back in his crib, already asleep from the full stomach. Niall holds out his hand and I take it wordlessly as he leads me into our living room. Once we’re away from the sleeping baby, he starts, “I’m sorry… I know I haven’t been the best husband or father lately. I think I reacted the way I did because I realize that…”

He sighs and rubs his fingers through his hair, “I just don’t know how to do all of this, you know? I’m scared of my career failing, of becoming “one of those guys from that band” or “that one hit wonder” you know?”

I can’t help but let out a little laugh, “I think you’re past that, babe. You’re on a world arena tour with your second #1 album… think that’s a little better than a one hit wonder.”

He sighs, “I know, but… everyone always says this could be over in an instant. That the fans could abandon you for the next big thing between album cycles. I’m just worried if I take too much of a break, I’ll never get this back.”

“But then Noah and I are left like this, feeling second to your career.”

“I know…” Niall says hesitantly and my heart drops at him admitting that we’re not his first choice. “I know it’s not working,” he says quickly before I can let my emotions out. “And I know it’s mostly my fault. God, I do love you guys, you know? And I hate that I’m missing so much of his life already and so much of yours too. And I hate that you’re unhappy with me and that you’re even thinking of divorce. I wish it could all work out, that I could have you and Noah and tour the world.”

He pauses and I can finally get my word in, “but you can’t. Not right now, at least. Noah needs stability, he can’t be on the road so young. Something’s gotta give sooner or later. And you are missing our lives and you can’t get that back. You’ll never be able to experience Noah’s first three months of life.”

I think I hit Niall too deep because he rolls his eyes and stands up, “I know that! You don’t need to throw it in my face!” I stand up, “I’m not!”

His face is almost red as he gets angry, “you are! I know I’ve missed out on his life and I know I haven’t been around! I don’t need you to keep bringing it up! I already fucking feel bad about it.”

Niall steps away from me and starts to walk away, “maybe you’re right. Maybe we should just get a divorce.”

“What?” I say, slowly sitting on the couch. I’m about to cry, I can’t believe he’s ready to throw our marriage away.

“Isn’t that what you want?” He asks, spinning around, somehow even angrier at me for being upset. “Isn’t that why you started this fucking fight?!”

“No!” I say, defending myself. “I mean, maybe….” I sigh. “I don’t know, okay? It’s weird because when I think of us, of our relationship, I want it to work. I want us to be the perfect couple with a kid and a house and a white picket fence, but then I have to deal with all of this. It’s tough, okay? I don’t want us to be over, but I also don’t like where we are…”

Niall sighs and sits next to me on the couch. He places his hand over mine, our wedding rings lining up. I take his hand in mine and it feels, at least for now, like a silent truce. That we’re on the same page. Niall lifts my hand up to his lips and places a kiss on my finger, right below the ring. “I know what you’re saying… honestly, I haven’t been happy either. Sometimes… it feels like I have two lives. The family man with you and Noah and then the guy who’s on tour. I don’t think I properly found a way to mesh the two worlds together and both are just… not working for me.”

I lean into my husband, understanding where he’s coming from. “I know you love touring… but now that it’s over, maybe we should take some time for us? Put your third album off for a bit while we work things out. And maybe we can figure out a plan for when you do decide to tour again. Something that works for us as a family…”

Niall sighs, “I just…. I’m afraid of losing it all. Of the fans not being here if I take a year, two years off. That if I take that time, I’m never going to get to do what I love again.”  
I want to bring up that he risks losing us again, but I don’t want him to blow up like he did before. “Maybe we can work something out for sooner then… we can discuss options while you work on an album.” I know I’m conceding. It’s not exactly unnatural for an artist to take a year off while he writes, but Niall’s always been a workaholic, never wanting to take the time off for anything. His first love is touring.

NIall gives me a smile and wraps his arms around my waist. His words are jumbled since his face is pressed into my shoulder, but I hear him clear enough, “It means so much to me that you understand my love of music, of touring, of connecting with audiences.”

I don’t really know how to respond to him, because I’m still trying to think about how Noah and I fit into that life. Niall pulls back from me and places kisses along my forehead and down my cheeks. “But I think you’re also right, I’ve been neglecting my family… and you guys do come first to me. Always. Even if I haven’t shown it much these past few months, you do.”

Niall places a kiss on my lips and tenderly pulls me into his lap. I giggle, wondering how easily we went from discussing divorce to making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers. Niall runs his fingers through my hair, moving to place small kisses along my jaw. “I love you. I know I haven’t said it as much as I should and I haven’t been good about showing it lately, but I do. You’re my world.”

I look into his eyes and smile, knowing that that was all I needed to hear to know that we can work through this and get better. For ourselves and our child. “I love you too, Ni.” I nuzzle my nose into his neck and wrap my arms around his waist. I want to stay like this forever and I feel Niall’s arms wrap tightly around me. “Wanna go to bed?” He asks and I nod against him, leaning up just long enough to give him a small kiss. “Please monsieur.”

He laughs, picking me up and carrying us back to the bedroom. He drops me gently on the bed as he places a final kiss on my forehead, “Can we not fight ever again? I don’t like it.” He says as he moves up next to me, laying his head on my chest. He says this everytime we fight, since our very first fight, over something dumb I’m sure. I smile and repeat exactly what I said to him the first time and every time after, “I love you too much to keep fighting with you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and letting me be a part of the exchange!!


End file.
